


Alone Together

by PhinalPhantasy



Category: dan and phil
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, DAN AND PHIL - Freeform, Death, Fluff, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Phandom - Freeform, Phanfiction, Romance, Suicide, Supernatural - Freeform, TATINOF, YouTube, YouTubers - Freeform, fall out boy - Freeform, phan oneshot, tabinof
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-12
Updated: 2016-08-19
Packaged: 2018-08-08 05:52:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7745680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhinalPhantasy/pseuds/PhinalPhantasy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil convinces Dan to commit suicide, but not for the reasons that you'd think.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: Alone Together**

Dan carelessly rolled over in his bed, still awake due to another seemingly endless sleepless night.

 _This is the third time this week,_ the brown haired twenty five year old grimly reminded himself.

On instinct Dan extended his left hand towards his beside table and aimlessly poked around until he finally clasped his cellphone. As usual, the screen read _No New Messages._ Dan sighed and practically slammed his phone onto the bed out of frustration.

 _Whatever,_ he told himself. _It's not like I have any friends anyway._

Sadly, that part was true. Dan spent his late teen years and most of his early adulthood obtaining a master's degree in law and criminal justice. His early years, the time where his life was supposed to be the richest, were some of the most painful memories imaginable. He spent his entire life striving for a degree he _didn't_ even want! Sure, he did it to make his parents proud, but in the end Dan knew he wasn't happy with the way his life turned out.

"I could have been an actor," Dan whispered into the darkness, a single tear flowing down his pale cheek. "I could have done something _meaningful_ with my life."

For the third time that week, Dan planted his face into his pillow and began to sob. He hated his stupid job and his stupid life. Dan had no friends, no boyfriend, and no future aspirations. He was being forced to play a part and live a life he couldn't believe was his own.

He called these unpleasant moments an _existential crisis._ Basically, it's a less severe form of a mental breakdown, but it has all the same traumatic effects. As a teenager, these existential crisis only happened once every two weeks or so, but now as an adult they happened nearly everyday.

Eventually, the brown haired boy cried himself to sleep during the late hours of 5 a.m.

_~Page Break~_

After taking a semi relaxing shower and getting himself dressed for the day, Dan pulled out his cellphone and dialed his younger brother's phone number.

"Hey bro," Dan started, a smile already creeping onto his lips. He hated almost everything in this world, but his little brother was one of the few exceptions. "I was wondering if you needed me to pick you up?"

"Pick me up?" Adrian repeated into the phone.

There was a moment of silence between the two lines. Suddenly Dan heard the younger boy's breath hitch and the sound of knocking.

"Where are you?" Dan questioned.

"I can't go today," Adrian replied, completely ignoring his older brother's question.

Dan stiffened and impatiently bit his bottom lip. "What do you mean you can't go today?"

"Well, Taylor and Stephanie took me out today, and we're currently up north right now."

"You're up north!" Dan shouted into the phone. He could practically hear Adrian flinch. "It's mum's birthday!"

"I know, I know!" Adrian yelled into the phone. "I'm sorry, Dan. Me and you can go see mum when I come back, I promise."

"I'm sure she'd want to see you _today,_ " Dan muttered bitterly.

"Dan, I'm really so-"

"Just forget it," Dan cut him off. "I've got to go. I want to see mum and dad before the morning rush in London kicks in."

And with that, the twenty five year old hung up, leaving a devastated younger version of himself alone on the other line.

Dan had no problem with Adrian's adoptive parents, Taylor and Stephanie. Really, he had nothing against them! He just thought it was rude and inconsiderate to plan a trip up north during their birth mother's actual birthday. He was even more upset that Adrian willingly went with them.

With one last final sigh, Dan threw his all black backpack over his shoulder and left his overly spacious home for the brutally cold streets of London. It was the middle of winter, and despite it being not nearly as cold as the rest of the world, Dan still thought the weather was unbearable. He was used to hot weather year round, not ice cold days!

He shuffled down the streets of London alone, his heart breaking each time he saw a little girl clinging to her father's hand or a happy couple strolling down the pavement. He wanted a child, a family, a _real_ life. Deep down inside, Dan knew he wasn't designed to have such beautiful things. He wasn't the type of person meant to live a happy life, or even a _good_ life for that matter.

The brown haired boy pushed those thoughts to the back of his mind, not wanting to have another existential crisis in the middle of the street.

 _I'm almost there,_ he reminded himself.

Within five minutes the chocolate eyed boy was at his mother and father's resting place. They had died in a car crash over seven years ago when Dan was only eighteen and Adrian was eleven. At that time, Dan was unemployed and living at university. He couldn't financially support Adrian or give him a proper home, so he was taken away and placed into foster care. Dan never forgave himself for not dropping out of school and getting a job to support his younger brother.

He waddled over to his mother and father's graves, the cold winter air rough against his thin form. Dan was sickly pale from constantly staying inside and not eating.

"Hey mum, hey dad, it's been awhile," Dan spoke to the two tombstones which were set side by side. "Happy birthday mum. Adrian couldn't make it today, he's up north with Taylor and Stephanie, but he promised to visit as soon as he comes back."

Dan tossed his backpack down and sank onto the floor. From the pack he pulled out two cupcakes, two candles, two small boxes, and a candle lighter. He placed a cupcake on each tombstone and lite both candles.

"I know it's mum's birthday, but I didn't forget about you, dad. I wanted to make sure everyone was included."

He unwrapped both of the little boxes and pulled out matching Rosemary's. Dan dug a little hole next to both of the graves and buried the necklaces.

"I hope you like your presents," Dan whispered softly, desperately trying to hold back his tears. Like each year, he failed miserably. He sang the saddest version of _Happy Birthday,_ unable to get through the whole song due to his voice constantly breaking.

"Last week, my boss gave me a promotion," he started. "Apparently I'm the top ranked lawyer in all of Europe. I really hope you guys are proud of me... I got my degree in law and criminal justice to make you guys happy. Now you're not even here to see it..."

Dan curled his knees up to his chest and started to cry. He threw away the best years of his life to make his parents happy, and they died before they ever got to see his success. Life was so unfair.

As he sobbed into his knees, he felt a large hand pat his shoulder. Dan whipped his head around so fast he nearly broke his neck.

"W-Who the hell are y-you?" Dan stuttered, wiping away his tears with the sleeves of his all black sweater.

The culprit was a tall black haired man who, instead of responding, stared back at Dan with intense icy blue eyes. He had cat whiskers on his cheeks and what appeared to be a cat nose as well.

"Who the hell are you?" Dan repeated, his voice still shaking.

"I'm Phil," the man answered simply.

"What are you doing here?" Dan continued.

"More like what are _you_ doing here," Phil retorted.

"It's my mum's birthday," Dan said, pointing at the cupcakes and candles still on the tombstones.

"No, I mean why are you here in _this_ world. It's obvious you're incredibly unhappy."

Dan did nothing but blankly stare at the sharp tongued stranger. Dan found himself asking the same question every night before he went to bed.

"I don't know," he mumbled.

"May I sit?" Phil asked, gesturing to the empty plot of space next to Dan. The chocolate eyed boy patted the seat next to him. He had never seen this Phil guy before, but everything about him felt so... _Familiar._ His voice, his looks, his lips...

"Who are you?" Dan asked once again, more politely this time.

Phil smiled and brushed a stray lock of hair behind Dan's ear. The younger boy couldn't help the deep red blush which quickly flamed across his cheeks. "You don't know me yet, but you will soon."

"You look familiar," Dan deadpanned, almost swatting Phil's hand away, but deciding against it. Even his _touch_ felt familiar. "Are you sure we haven't met before?"

Phil's grin grew even wider. Dan was instantly captivated by his undying beauty. "I'm sure. Now tell me Dan, why do you think you're here?"

"I honestly don't know," Dan responded, all emotion leaving his voice. "When my parents were alive, I was a pretty joyful person. Ever since their death, I've realized how meaningless my life is. I have a job I despise, I haven't had a relationship in years, and my little brother lives with a brand new family who absolutely adore him."

At this point, Dan started to cry again. Looking back at the past few years of his life, Dan realized how empty they truly were. The situation was a lot worse than he had originally imagined. Phil gently stroked his back as Dan sobbed into his hands.

"Why don't you just kill yourself?" Phil asked.

"What?" Dan asked. It wasn't like he hadn't thought about it in the past. He just never had the courage to actually go through with it.

"I said," Phil began. "Why don't you kill yourself?"

The brown haired boy scoffed and looked up at the gray sky where he suspected an unforgiving god lived. "My life is shitty now, but after death there's nothing. I'm not ready to fade away just yet."

"What if I told you there was a light at the end of the tunnel? Something to look forward to?"

"Like what?" Dan pushed, now genuinely curious. Phil's tone sounded so cheerful and reassuring, it almost gave Dan hope. _Almost._

"I'll show you," the blue eyed boy smiled. He reached into his own backpack and pulled out a colorful book. He placed it into Dan's hands, not saying anything in the process.

"The Amazing Book is Not on Fire," Dan read aloud. "Wait, why the hell are we on the cover?"

"Just flip through it," Phil suggested, his calm voice filling Dan's heart and urging him forward.

The brown haired boy did as he was told and flipped through the book. It was, well, it was _amazing._ The book was filled with things he always wanted to do like visit Japan, tell short stories, and him making his very own Youtube videos.

"Phil, how is this even real?" the chocolate eyed boy mused in disbelief.

"There's more," Phil answered. He reached into his backpack once more and pulled out a laptop. The pale boy quickly opened a file titled _The Amazing Tour is Not on Fire._ Dan and Phil watched various clips in silence, Dan crying the entire time. Was that really his life? In another world did he really do all of those incredible things?

"We went on tour?" Dan asked softly.

"We sure did," Phil reassured him.

"And we performed on stage together?"

"Of course, I remember the first time we ever performed. You talked about how it was a childhood dream come true."

"I always wanted to be an actor..." Dan trailed off. "Wait, if this life has already been lived, then how are you here?"

"It hasn't been lived already," Phil explained. "God, the universe, or whoever controls this massive world gave me all these things."

"H-How is that possible?" Dan whispered.

Phil pointed over his shoulder to a tombstone nestled in the back of the cemetery. Dan almost lost his mind when he read the words _Philip Michael Lester._

"I died earlier this year," Phil continued. "And I've been waiting for you ever since."

"We're meant to be together?" Dan questioned. His mind was too overwhelmed to fully comprehend the situation at hand.

"Forever and always. Apparently in this other life, we live together, Dan. We're in _love._ Of course, when we cross over, things won't be all glitter and rainbows. If my future memories are correct, I won't meet you until you're eighteen. You'll spend those years of your life friendless and alone... Can you handle that?"

 _I'm already friendless and alone,_ Dan chided himself.

Dan tried to understand all the newly found information he was given. In another life, his _future life,_ he spent every day making YouTube videos, doing things he loved, writing books, going on tour, finding love... It all sounded so perfect.

"I want that life, Phil," Dan breathed. "I just want to be happy."

"We can both be happy!" the blue eyed boy stood up and extended his hand to Dan. "Just come with me, please? Let's run away together!"

Dan smiled and took Phil's hand. Without hesitation, Phil pressed his lips against Dan's. The chocolate eyed boy did the same, allowing himself to finally enjoy life.

"Bye mum, bye dad," Dan said for what would be the last time. "I love you guys and I'll see you soon. I don't know where I'm going, but I know it's a better place."

_~Page Break~_

"Phil!" Dan shouted from within their shared apartment. "Did you eat my cereal again!"

"I'm sorry!" Phil called from the lounge. "You know not to leave cereal within my grasp!"

Dan sighed and threw the empty box of Shreddies away. He stomped into the lounge and playfully punched Phil in the chest.

"Ow!" Phil complained. "I hate you!"

"No you don't," Dan retorted, kissing Phil's soft pink lips.

Phil blushed and pulled Dan down onto the sofa with him.

 _He's so perfect,_ Dan thought, wrapping his arms around Phil's slim waist.

"I love you so much," Dan whispered in between kisses.

"I love you too," Phil smiled. "Forever and always."


	2. Dearly Beloved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> N/A

**Chapter 2: Dearly Beloved**

Phil Lester, by all means, was a moderately successful young man. The ebony haired thirty year old was the head English professor at the University of London where he was beloved by students and faculty members alike, he was involved with a gorgeous wealthy woman named Zoe who resided in Northern London, he lived in a beautiful home his mother had bought him a few months before her tragically untimely death, and he even ran his own blog on the popular social media website Tumblr. The sense of pride he felt when his account, amazingphil, obtained over 10,000 followers within the first year of activity was the only thing that kept him moving forward.

Despite all of these seemingly great things, Phil was still unhappy. He felt like he played the starring role in a pathetic unfulfilled life he couldn't believe was his own. If Phil was being honest with himself, he never wanted to pursue a career in the English linguistics department to begin with. Phil only continued his practice in the English language because he had no where else to go. Originally, he planned to obtain his degree in English and then focus on getting a master's degree in Arts in Video Postproduction with Specialisation in Visual Effects, but those dreams died years ago, along with his hope for a better life.

A few weeks before graduating university, Phil revealed to his mother that he would no longer be pursuing English. To the blue eyed man's shock and despair, his mother started to sob uncontrollably. She begged and pleaded with him to chose a more practical lifestyle so he could support himself when she was gone, and in the end, Phil listened to her. Now, at thirty years old, he was still paying for that tragic mistake in judgement.

Phil examined his gaunt and pale face in the mirror, reflecting on all of his poor life choices. He didn't want to be a professor. He didn't want to be in a useless long distance relationship with a woman he could never truly love. They never even saw each other, for god's sake! Besides, Phil finally accepted the fact that he was gay a long time ago. He just couldn't bring himself to admit it out loud.

 _I should have gone into film and digital media,_ Phil thought, painful tears streaming down his broken face. _I should have followed my passion. Maybe if I had, I wouldn't be so damn miserable now._

He splashed his face with cold water for a couple moments, trying (and failing) to regain his charming compose. He couldn't afford to have an emotional breakdown right now, not with a class to teach in half an hour. Phil took in a deep breath and left his Victorian Era style home, heading straight for the tube.

It was a typically rainy January day in London. The massive downpour slowed traffic and forced more people to climb into taxicabs.

Phil should have been more careful. He should have done a lot of things differently that morning, like not looking back at all of his previous failures, or regretting his career choice and having an emotional crisis.

If he had done that, maybe Phil would have been more focused and noticed the speeding sports car that roared pass the red light and right into him. The last thing he heard was the sound of young children screaming and cars honking. Phil let out one last sigh before shutting his eyes for what he assumed would be the last time, a small smile inching onto his face. At least he could abandon this miserable existence he once called his life.

After what felt like a few seconds, Phil's pale blue eyes shot open. He was standing in an all white room with no doors or windows. It was completely silent. The only sound in the surprisingly calming room was the steady pace of Phil's breathing.

"Hey, Phil."

Phil looked to his side, the all white void now occupied by another person. The dark haired man gasped, his jaw practically falling to the ground.

"Y-You're... You're Matt Bellamy! I'm your biggest fan!"

Matt laughed and playfully crossed his arms. "I'm not the real Matt Bellamy, I just appeared to you in this form because I knew it would make you feel the most comfortable."

"What?" Phil asked, clearly confused. "Where am I?"

"Well," the Matt look alike asked, mindlessly pacing around the room. "What's the last thing you remember?"

Phil thought for a moment, straining to remember what happened to him. "I recall leaving my house. I was heading for the tube so I could get to work... It was raining heavily. And then there was an accident, and I heard kids screaming and cars honking. And then I closed my eyes and showed up here."

"That's right," the man confirmed. He was smiling now, his ocean blue eyes giving Phil a sympathetic look. Phil felt like crying. "You died in that accident."

"I died?" Phil whispered. This time, actual tears did fall, but not because of sadness or grief, but because of pure _relief._ He didn't have to teach anymore, or lead Zoe on, or live a life he couldn't believe was his own!

Matt walked over to Phil and placed a supportive hand on his shoulder. "What happens now?" Phil asked.

"I have something very special planned for you," the man remarked. "I promise in the next life you live, you'll be happy. If everything goes right, which I'm sure it will, your soul will finally have peace and move forward into the afterlife."

"The afterlife?" Phil repeated.

Matt nodded. "When a soul is completely fulfilled, and a person dies after having lived a meaningful life, they move forward into the next stage of eternity. For you, that's not exactly the case. You were unhappy in life, so now you're getting a second chance to make things right and pursue your true passions and love interests. Then, if done correctly, you can move forward to the next stage."

"Why am I getting a second chance?" Phil inquired.

"Everyone gets a second chance," Matt continued. "That's the important thing to remember. I love all of my creations equally, but sometimes they get dealt a shitty hand, and they can't learn to love themselves as much as I do. Think about it this way, it's never _truly_ over. You will _always_ get a chance to find true enlightenment, even if it takes you a thousand lifetimes."

"Are you God?" Phil asked, unable to stop himself. He felt silly for even asking the question.

The man laughed and threw his arm around Phil's shoulder. "Don't worry about it, okay? I prefer not to label myself."

"Okay," Phil said, his extensive language skills abandoning him.

"Now, I can't give you your new life right away. You have to wait for your soulmate to die first."

"My soulmate?" Phil questioned.

"Yes, your soulmate. Everyone has one."

Phil scrunched up his nose and felt his shoulders tense. "It's not a girl named Zoe, is it?'

Matt let out a loud laugh and roughly patted Phil's back. "Of course not!"

The dark haired boy stared at Matt. He opened his mouth to speak, wanting to ask a million questions, but no words came out. He was dumbfounded.

"In case you're curious, which I'm sure you are, _his_ name is Dan Howell."

" _Dan Howell,_ " Phil mouthed, the name rolling perfectly off his tongue. "He sounds quite lovely."

"He's amazing. Would you like to see him?"

Phil eagerly nodded his head. When he was alive, he was convinced he would eventually marry Zoe and be one half of a totally loveless marriage. Just hearing that he had a soulmate, a _man,_ gave his heart hope. He hadn't been this excited in years.

Matt pulled a book out of thin air and handed it to Phil. It's cover read _The Amazing Book is Not on Fire,_ and displayed two young men. Phil was obviously one of them, so the other man must have been Dan Howell.

Phil felt his breath hitch in his throat and his heart skip a few beats. Dan was absolutely _stunning._ His lightly tanned skin was clear and smooth, his chocolate colored eyes were warm and welcoming, and his smile was the most adorable thing Phil had ever seen.

"He's so _beautiful,_ " Phil choked, his heart swelling with immense joy. He couldn't believe the graceful boy on the front cover was made for him.

Phil flipped through the book, his heart pounding each time he turned the page. According to the book, he and Dan were a famous YouTube duo who traveled across England and America to perform a stage tour. They also lived together in a central London apartment, vacationed together in Japan and Jamaica, and ran a successful online business.

"Is this really going to be my life?" Phil whispered, afraid this might be one big cruel joke.

"Yes," Matt promised. "After Dan passes, you two will be reincarnated into your next life cycles. You won't meet him until he's eighteen, but after that point, you're lives will be everything you've ever wanted and more. Do you understand?'

"Yes," Phil answered, his voice breaking. He was too happy for words.

"Good," Matt said. He pulled a backpack out of thin air and handed it to Phil. "You're going to need this. You'll get the chance to meet Dan in a few months, but until then, this should hold you over. Good luck, Phil."

Phil took the backpack from Matt's grasp.

"Thank you," the blue eyed man said in the most sincere tone he could muster.

The white room slowly faded away. Matt disappeared into a bright ray of light. Phil found himself roaming the streets of London, completely invisible to the rest of the world. He was a spirit now.

_~Page Break~_

Dan and Phil bolted into the airport, nearly knocking down a poor unsuspecting woman in the process.

"I'm terribly sorry!" Phil shouted over his shoulder, continuing to sprint down the corridor.

When the two boys finally arrived at their airplane terminal, Dan quickly handed the flight attendant their tickets. After checking their passports they boarded their plane ten minutes before its departure time.

"Oh thank sweet Jesus," Dan huffed, still fighting to regain his breath.

"We almost missed our flight to Australia because of you!" Phil accused.

Dan wrapped his arm around Phil's thin waist and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek. Phil couldn't fight the deep crimson blush that ignited across his porcelain cheeks.

"I'm sorry," Dan apologized. "I really am." He pecked Phil on the lips and snuggled into the older boy's chest. "Can you forgive me?"

" _Wellll,_ " Phil drawled out dramatically. "As long as you promise to play eye spy with me for the next twenty three hours, I think I can forgive you."

Dan snorted and cuddled closer to Phil. "I think that can be arranged."

Phil giggled and leaned down, capturing Dan's lips with his own.

 _How the hell did I get so lucky?_ Phil thought to himself.

"I love you, bear," Phil smiled.

Dan blushed and took Phil's hand in his own. "I love you too, Philly."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end!
> 
> First of all, I'd like to thank everyone who reviewed the first chapter and gave me their support. It means everything to me :) If you guys could drop a review, favorite this story, follow, etc. that would be super amazing.
> 
> The moral of this story is to follow your dreams and do what makes you feel happy. Please don't let other people's words or opinions hold you back from greatness. Never turn away from what you love to please others. If I had done that, I wouldn't be writing today. Please never give up on yourselves and settle for something lower than what you really are.
> 
> I wasn't really planning for this chapter to talk about religion, but I guess it just happened haha. I really hoped you guys liked the happy ending, and I might extend this phanfiction in the future. Until then, thank you to everyone who supported me along the way. I have several other Phan stories on this account, so if you're interested you can check those out too.
> 
> This chapter was written while I listened to "Dearly Beloved," from the Kingdom Hearts soundtrack, thus the name. It's a beautiful song and I definitely recommend listening to it while reading this story or any of my others.
> 
> ~Naya

**Author's Note:**

> The end!
> 
> To anyone who wasn't prepared for the pheels, I'm terribly sorry. Sidenote, this song was written as I listened to "Alone Together," by Fall Out Boy (: If you haven't heard it already, I definitely recommend it.
> 
> For some reason this story just came to me, and I wrote it in under an hour, so I apologize if it's poorly written.   
> Anyway, if you guys could drop a like, favorite this story, etc. it would mean the world to me! Also, if it's requested enough, I'll make a second chapter showing how Phil's life turned out without Dan or YouTube.
> 
> ~Naya


End file.
